


Family Matters

by thecivilunrest



Category: Free!
Genre: Backstory, Family, Gen, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-24 00:17:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2561018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecivilunrest/pseuds/thecivilunrest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nagisa is suffocated and Haru is given too much distance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Family Matters

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Qem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qem/gifts).



> Sorry this is a bit late--I had a lot more trouble with this than I thought I would! But, Qem, I really hope that you enjoy. And I'm sorry if you don't. 
> 
> Also big shout out to Rachel, who looked this over for me. You're the best.

_i._

Haru’s first memory is not of water. 

Things might be easier, if it was. Rin has joked that he was born in water, like a dolphin, his first moment on earth is being pushed up to the surface to breathe. If asked, he’ll say his first memory was the ocean, of the calm waves of the beach, but it’s not. 

Haru’s first memory is from when he is on the cusp of three and four, and his parents are leaving him. 

The thing that he remembers most vividly is the cloud of bewilderment he felt when his mother set him in his grandmother’s arms. He’d been sleeping before that, and hadn’t realized that they had changed locations until the jostling woke him up and caused him to open his eyes. 

“Be good, Haruka,” she told him, smiling softly. It’s only later that he realizes that his father was shifting from foot to foot, impatient to be on his way. He’d patted his son’s head on the way into the house, but had offered no other good-byes. “We’ll be back soon.” Then she kissed his forehead and smoothed down his bangs. 

He was warm with sleep in his grandmother’s arms, and didn’t understand what was happening until he heard the front door clicking shut. That noise was what set him off and woke him off. The soft click was what made him realize that his parents were _gone_. 

Haru squirmed until his grandmother let him down, and he ran to the front door and sobbed. He mangled the words “mama” and “papa” as he pounded his little fists on the door. He couldn’t understand why they’d left him, why he couldn’t go with them. 

He didn’t _understand_. 

His grandmother followed him to the door, and hugged him from behind. He cried, ignoring her, but she held onto him harder. “I’m sorry, Haru,” she said. She tried to sooth him by running her hand through his hair the way his mother had. He finally stopped fighting, and turned to her to cry some more. 

Over the years she’d repeat the words, “I’m sorry,” every time his parents broke his heart, even though after that he’d run out of tears. He’d been out since that very first night.

 

**ii.**

By the time Nagisa is seven, he’s heard the about his his day of birth at least ten times. 

Even in the womb he stubbornly clung onto things. As such, he’d gone past his due date by three days. If his mother hadn’t had him by the next day, they would have been forced to induce the labor, even though she’d wanted to have an all natural birth like she’d had with his three sisters before him. None of them had been overdue, his mother always mentioned. He was special. 

His mother had back cramps the night before, but thought nothing of it until the next morning, when her water broke just as she was about to make breakfast for the girls after seeing her husband off. 

His sister’s liked to tell the next part--the way she had woken them all up and strapped them in the car before driving to the hospital like a madwoman. She’d been going, like, a hundred kilometers above the speed limit, almost crashing into other cars in her rush to weave through the morning traffic. 

His father had been waiting at the hospital, having gotten the call while Nagisa’s mother had almost rammed into the back end of another car. They left the girls in the waiting room while Nagisa’s mother got situated, before he got regulated to taking care of them instead. He hadn’t been there for any of his daughter’s births either--he was too jittery. It irritated his wife watching him pace around when _she_ was the one giving birth. 

So he bought the girls a choice of whatever stuffed animal that they wanted and entertained them as best as he could. Two hours later--once Nagisa made up his mind he always followed through, another thing that had been true since birth--the doctors came out and told Nagisa’s father that his wife had given birth to a little boy. 

This was a surprise--Nagisa was supposed to be a girl, the ultrasounds had told them that, and as such they’d only picked out girl names--but instead a boy had come out. 

His sisters had been looking forward to another little girl joining their ranks. The fact that it was to be a boy instead crushed their hopes of having a cutesy little sister to dress up and tell the secrets of girls. 

So when his older sister heard the news, she asked, “Is there any way we could turn him in for something else?” 

_ii._

Haru didn’t see his parents for six months after his grandmother died. They said they would fly to Tottori as soon as they could, but he’d still been the one to hold vigil for his grandmother. Alone. He’d still been the one that the doctors had told that she’d died--they’d been unable to resuscitate her a third time, even though Haru had held her hand in the ambulance, even though he’d held out hope. All on his own. All alone.

He was fourteen-years-old, and he was totally alone. He hadn’t believed his parents, he was smarter than that, so he made the funeral arrangements himself. He’d had no idea how to do so. He was just lucky that his grandmother had left instructions. 

He’s going through the paperwork, flipping through her will with a heart that smouldered like coal, causing him pain every time he took too deep a breath, when his parents open the door to his grandmother’s house. 

“Haruka,” his mother cries, dropping her bags at her feet as she comes to wrap her arms around him. The thump is the loudest thing that he’s heard in a few days, and it startles him. Makes him think an unkind thought, like how dramatic his mother is being about this even though she wasn’t even here when it mattered. 

_I’m sorry, my grandson_ , he hears his grandmother say, even with his mother’s arms around him. He forgives her, but not the rest. 

 

 **ii.**

During Nagisa’s second year of middle school he has nightmares about being suffocated.

They all start the same way: he’s sitting at his desk, completely alone, when the homework flutters to the floor. He only has time to notice that he’s been given a failing grade, when more paper falls to the ground. 

The more time goes on the more paper falls until it covers him from head to toe and he dies choking on failure. When he wakes up in a sweat, gasping for air, he has to sit up and drink the water at his bedside table to be able to calm down again.

He misses elementary school and the swim club the most in those moments--he misses being able to focus on something other than the way test grades seem to be define him now. He’d rather drown than suffocate, feel himself decrease by increments. 

Nagisa mentions this to his sisters, who never seem to have this problem, and they seem confused. “But Nagi-chan,” his middle sister says, in a rare moment of genuine sympathy, “you’re so smart. How can you be having trouble with this?”

He wants to tell them that being smart is not the problem, but finds that he can’t. He doesn’t have the words, so he lets himself suffocate instead. 

 

 _iii._

Haru doesn’t know his parents are at Nationals until after the race, and he’s glad of it. He doesn’t have issues about pressure, not after everything, but he’s finally feeling better about swimming and seeing them would only confuse him. 

He sees them after the race, standing next to Makoto’s parents, when they’re dry after the race. 

“You did well, Haruka,” his father says, putting a hand on Haru’s shoulder. For once he doesn’t even feel the slightest hint of aggravation. He doesn’t want to shrug it off, so he lets his father linger. 

His parents start talking about where they’re staying on Tokyo, and how wonderful sixth place is, and how the scouts might come looking for him yet, but Haru isn’t listening. Instead he holds onto the feeling of them all being together, one last time, before he is finally the one that leaves them. 

 

 **iii.**

Somehow, all of Nagisa’s sisters manage to come watch the National meet. Home always felt too quiet without all of them there. There was too much quiet, and no one had his back when things got tough. 

Nagisa would never admit it, but he’s missed them. 

“You did so good, baby brother!” they say, and ruffle his hair. They have plenty to say about everything and do so, loudly. When they crowd around him at the family restaurant where they go and have dinner, he doesn’t even complain. 

Nagisa is full on happiness, even if the other patrons in the restaurant clearly are raising their eyebrows in judgement. He eats the strawberry cake that they bought him and laughs when his sisters flirt with the poor waiter. 

Any lingering bitterness that he had against his parents for almost pulling him off the swim club is gone now. 

His father is the one that brings up his future, swimming. Before this Nagisa tried not to give too much thought to the future--doing so would just remind him of middle school, which was about making the best grades to get into the best schools, even if it didn’t turn out like that--but he can’t deny how happy he is when his father says, “I think the swim club has done great things for you. Maybe it can even help you get into the college of your choice after all.” 

Nagisa smiles and for once doesn’t feel like a total disappointment. 

 

**_iv._ **

Haru is in the lobby of the hotel when Nagisa finally comes back from seeing his family. 

“Haru-chan!” he calls, and almost trips on his way to Haru. Haru has to bite back a smile at the sight. He turns to Nagisa with a straight face. “Why aren’t you with Mako-chan?” Nagisa asks, smoothly, like he hadn’t almost fallen on his face. 

Haru shrugs. “Why are you coming back so late? We’re leaving early tomorrow.” 

“Family bonding is important!” Nagisa waves his arms. “Even though I’m going to see my parents again tomorrow. I haven’t seen my sisters, though. I was glad they came too.” 

They let silence grow between them, natural, like it always was with them, when Nagisa says suddenly, “Are you going to see your parents tomorrow?” 

“No,” Haru says, and doesn’t feel a trace of bitterness. “It was nice, though,” he admits, “to have them here.” 

“Yeah,” Nagisa breathes, and Haru knows that they understand each other.


End file.
